Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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