Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
