yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
