im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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