yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
