David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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