Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
