and you said cock pushups were impossible
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize