He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
