Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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