Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do vagina's smell?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
