I wish I could punch you in the face.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
