He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
