My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
