dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
