After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
someone owes me an orgasm
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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