This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Fuck appropriateness.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
