dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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