I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
