She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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