Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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