Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
