You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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