you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
