I wish I only lived at night.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
