At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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