The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
