If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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