allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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