No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
