We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
