guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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