i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
