just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My bed smells like the plague
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
