I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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