So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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