I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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