Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
