Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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