Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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