I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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