Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
