just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
soo... how was my night?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
