just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
