My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
