Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize