How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
what day is it and did you see me today?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
