Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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