so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
