We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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