maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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