i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
