I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
