Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize