do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
