Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
