that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
