Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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