Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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