pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We don't watch enough power rangers
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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