If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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