im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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