Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
