You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
