all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I want a musical about memes.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
