Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
