And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
