Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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