to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
